POETRY: This Game by Sarah E. White

Placating again

Finally the blood slows in my heart

Slows from being filled with frustration and rage

Aggravated at myself for always doing it

Always in the act of calming the beast

The beast in the darkness that sometimes consumes my life

I always seem to be calming it, quenching the flames

Pissed about it

Up to my eye balls in it

So good at it though

So sad that this is what it always comes to

Loathing alone in my mind

Loathing at what I’ve become

Missing all I use to be

Not proud of succumbing to the madness

Belittling myself the further and further I go with it

Cheating myself out of my own feelings

I’ve almost mastered it now

I could teach a class in it

Hold a daylong session on how and why

I’m tired though

Tired of this game

This game of burying my feelings far from the watching eyes in my life

The only one that loses is me now

Why do I play on in this?

This game of Placation