“OOZE AND AAAAHH’s”
By Scott Wilson
Word Count: 504
I will never forget the night it happened. It was a chilly night, and I was relaxing upstairs with my mp3 player, a good book and my faithful gerbil, Oscar. Suddenly there was a loud fart. I sprang to my feet and crept downstairs, trying to be as quiet as I could. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Suddenly I heard the fart again, but this time it was much more wet sounding and I knew it was coming from the basement. Summoning my courage, I grabbed a flashlight and strode carefully down the stairs. I might have met my end right there, if not for Oscar, who let out a loud “clang!” Startled, I jumped quickly to the side just in time to avoid a long gooey appendage. I turned my flashlight on the intruder and gasped in horror. Lurking there in my basement, bathed in the slovenly glow of my light, was a huge, quivering, shapeless blob of ooze! The hideous thing was as bright red as a toaster and as big as a Tom Clancy novel.
“Struth!” I cried.
I fled upstairs, but the thing chased me with lightning speed. I was trapped, and knew I had to fight if I wanted to survive. First, I tried to chop it with a sharp carving knife from the kitchen, and then I shot it with my grandpa’s shotgun that hangs over the fireplace. In desperation, I even tried throwing milk on it, but all to no avail. It just kept coming. I thought I was dead for sure, when suddenly a strange figure crashed through my window and leapt between us! He was tall and rambunctious, with fierce yet lifeless eyes and broad shoulders. He was dressed entirely in black, except for his dull purple mini-skirt.
“Stone the crows!” the figure cried, and quick as a minx he jumped in and stunned the ooze creature with a powerful kick.
Without pause he scooped the thing into a cylinder and tied it shut with a long tank.
“How did you do that?” I gasped, trying to catch my breath.
“Their only weakness is their testicles,” he replied. “One good kick and the things are helpless.”
“But how do you find it?” I asked, staring at the shapeless mass.
“That is easy,” said the stranger. “It is right next to their buttocks.”
I thanked him for saving my life and asked him his name. “I am Ixney, and I have been hunting the ooze creatures all my life. Join me in my quest and we will make the world safe from their aggressively evil ways!”
Now that I knew the truth, how could I say no? I joined Ixney that night and my life has never been the same. I learned how to spot their testicles in less than twenty seconds, and together we have defeated over sixteen of the ooze creatures. I even got my own dull purple mini-skirt.
“OOZE AND AAAAHH’s”
The Fringe is open to submissions of poetry, flash fiction and short stories of any genre. Stories accepted will be published online in our Ezine and also in the monthly pdf magazine.
We are also open to submissions from artists for inclusion in the magazine.
Submissions should be in RTF format or in the body of the email. Send email submissions only to firstname.lastname@example.org
Currently we only offer payment for one story selected as the feature story in the monthly pdf magazine only. The successful author will be contacted to organise payment via paypal for a $5AUD payment. Authors of other accepted stories published on the webzine and in the pdf copy will receive a copy of the pdf version of the mag the story appears in.
We are open to unpublished and previously published stories up to 40,000 words in length.
About The Fringe Magazine
Here at The Fringe Magazine we publish Short Stories, Flash Fiction, Poetry in all genres and reviews of books, roleplay games, music and movies.
Our variety seems to be hiting the mark with over 100,000 views of our Online Magazine with a good spread across all articles.
With over 350 readers visiting our site each day, we listen to the voice of the masses and try and procure books in all genres to review. To date, we have reviewed over 600 books, including; non-fiction reference, music, art, photography, gardening, cooking, Self Help, architecture, design, biographies and roleplay games.
We also review fiction in all genres; Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Historical Romance, Paranormal Romance, Horror, Crime, Thriller, Comedy, Western. We also publish Author Interviews, Paintings, Sketches, Art Work, Art Work by Susie Wilson, and non-fiction articles. The only thing you won't find at The Fringe Magazine is a bad review, if we don't like something, we won't put up a review at all.
You will also find music and dvd reviews and the occasional interview with musicians and actors.
- ► 2011 (753)
- ► 2010 (403)
- Passion for Orestes
- Bath Cotillion
- Charity Begins at Home
- Juju Logi and the Three Snarfleblasts
- My Story
- A Good Night Out
- Flight From Hell
- “OOZE AND AAAAHH’s”
- Randy and the Giant Pink Possum
- Bad Imitation Hemingway
- The Cork of Sealing
- Lizzie's Drama
- Fallout Boy
- Scent of the Valley
- That's A Nice Ring
- Little Lost Josh
- HOORAY - Looks Like, Um, A Wizard To Me
- Life's a Cliché!
- Lessons Aesop Never Taught
- My Cool Grand-Ogres
- Green Alien Salad
- April's Mummy
- The Surprise Garden
- A Crazy Night at the Library
- Lonnie Barrett’s Detective Agency
- HOORAY - Pete's Priceless Potions
- Looks like, um, Magic to Me
- Nothing Hurts Like Those Close to You
- The Blood Bucket
- Pete's Priceless Potions
- That’s Life, Trent
- HOORAY - Men at Arms
- Men at Arms
- Orc Justice
- Terry Pratchett
- Zombies Galore
- Round and Around
- Hooray - He Who Has Power, Has Power
- Hooray - Grave Disorder
- Hooray - Anthology Builder
- Hooray - Visions
- Hooray - After Midnight
- A Whisker And Tail has been published by Static Mo...
- Rock World
- Cycle of Madness
- Down in the Mines
- Reel Life
- ▼ January (49)