Hello Kitty  

Posted by Scott Wilson in ,

Hello Kitty
By Scott Wilson
Word Count: 829

“Tell you what, mate,” Matt said to his co-worker Charlie. “I am fed up with Hello Kitty and her stupidity. I mean, how the hell did she get the job over you?”

“It’s all political. I was getting trained for the job but because I have a kid and couldn’t work until all hours at night, I’ve been screwed over. And I thought there’d be less discrimination in the public service than out in private industry.”

“What the hell was the boss thinking employing frigging Hello Kitty anyway? Her English is shocking, she seems to have no idea about anything and she giggles all the time. She’d be better off working in a bloody Hello Kitty store than in a finance department.”

“Yeh, I know. And to think the interview panel reckons she has more skills and experience in the job than I do. I mean, I’ve been doing that job for a year and a half now. Stuffed if I’m going to show her how to do anything else. She’s supposed to be the frigging guru.”

“Did you hear about yesterday?” Matt said.


“Well you know how she wrote the procedure for petty cash and emailed it to us?”


“Well she rings me yesterday and asks me where the petty cash forms are kept. How can you write a procedure on something when you don’t even know how the jobs done or where anything is stored?”

“I don’t even answer the phone if I see her name come up on the caller ID now. I am so sick of her frigging stupid voice. She just sounds like a little Asian schoolgirl, laughing her tits off at the end of every sentence.”

“Speaking of the devil,” Matt said, nodding towards the office door. “Sounds like she’s just arrived.”

Charlie looked at the clock on the wall and said, “That’d be right, nine-thirty and she rocks up to work, but I don’t get the job because I start early and finish early.”

Pattie Lee, or Hello Kitty as she was known to the rest of the office staff, walked into the office, almost skipping like a kid. Matt and Charlie looked at each other and shook their heads in unison.

“Morning Matt, morning Charlie,” she said, ending the sentence in a short giggle.
Matt and Charlie shook their heads, not understanding what was so funny about good morning. With the fun over for the morning they both put their heads down and started working.

“Helen is not in today,” Hello Kitty said to Matt and Charlie after spending only ten minutes in her office.

“Great, bludge day,” Matt said.

“You got that right,” Charlie replied.

Charlie opened the internet again and surfed the net for some mp3’s to download onto his iPod. Matt logged on to the internet to look for WebPages about Ford’s or any other hotted up street cars.

“Charlie, can you come into my office please?” Hello Kitty said from her doorway at around ten o’clock.

Charlie locked his computer, winked at Matt, then casually walked into the office where Hello Kitty was waiting by the door.

“Sit down,” she said to Charlie, motioning to the furtherest chair from the doorway.
Charlie sat down, noticing the large plastic sheet under the desk and both visitor chairs.

“What’s that for?” he said, pointing at the ground.

“Oh, that for later,” she said and giggled.

“What do you m...” Charlie began.

Hello Kitty produced a small sleek black blow gun that looked more like a fancy chopstick, from the bun in her hair and blew a dart into Charlie’s neck. Charlie tried to stand up, but found that he was totally immobilised. He could still see, hear, smell and feel the chill on his back from the air conditioner, but could not move a muscle.

Hello Kitty walked back to the door.

“Matt, I think you should come in here to,” she said, then giggled.

Matt walked to the office, saw Charlie sitting at the desk, then stepped into the room.

“Please, sit down,” Hello Kitty said.

Charlie wanted to warn his friend, but he could not speak. He could not even move his head or blink. Matt sat down beside Charlie and crossed his legs.

“What’s this about?” he said.

Hello Kitty blew a dart into the back of Matt’s neck, paralysing him.

“Oh, we gonna have a chat about how you mock me. Now good time with the boss away. You know, we get things straightened out.

She closed the office door, pulled the blinds shut, then walked over to her desk. From the chairs, Matt and Charlie could see the array of pain inflicting stainless steel instruments in Hello Kitty’s desk draw as she opened it slowly.

“Yeh, we gonna have a nice long chat,” she said and began to giggle incessantly.


This entry was posted on Monday, May 18, 2009 at 7:31 PM and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


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