Yorn
By Scott Wilson
Chapter One – The
Creation
Yorn has always had a special place in the heart of the
Great Creator, who kept the hollow planet on an ebony stand, he called The
Great Axis, in The Study, right next to his autographed copy of The Hitchhiker’s
Guide to the Galaxy. You see, Yorn was not just one world but two. The outside
of the planet was your typical eighty percent ocean, nineteen percent land and
one percent whatever it wanted to be identified as, you know, to keep those
pesky elements that don’t identify as land or water happy. The part that the
Great Creator was particularly happy with was the second world on the inside of
globe. The Great Creator, or GC as his followers called him, thought he was
being quite sneaky by having a fully, self-contained second planet inside of
the other with its own sun, ecosystem and very pleasant environmental
conditions. Now the very ingenious part was how instead of polar caps at each
end of the planet, there were large holes that a beautifully crafted,
intricately engraved ebony stand slotted into to keep the planet stunningly
displayed in The Study.
It wasn’t that the rest of the planets the GC had created
and thoughtfully placed strategically throughout the multitude of universes
weren’t well designed or beautiful in their own special way. It was more that
once the GC had decided the universes were finished, he could be a bit more
flamboyant with the last world he designed. So impressed was he with this last
world that he couldn’t bear the thought of putting it out in the universe for
anyone to play with. What with every creation he made deciding that they had a
better idea how each world should look and smell for that matter? No, Yorn was
to stay just where it would remain unchanged and exactly how its maker designed
it.
The Great Creator’s son had also been warned about playing
around in The Study, so there were no worries about Yorn being turned upside
down on The Great Axis as a practical joke. No indeed, GC’s son, Eric, knew he
was not allowed in The Study without GC being there to supervise him. That’s
not to say that Eric never spent time in the study, helping his Father with all
important planetary and universal problems that arose daily. Eric was probably
in The Study more often than not, but never on his own.
Yorn was populated, both inside and out, with a most
excellent choice of friendly and colourful creatures of all kinds, and of
course a scattering of humans as they were still the GC’s favourite creation,
despite being more defiant than thankful for their existence. The Great Creator
was satisfied that everything was now perfect with Yorn and he could finally
relax, not having to ever make another planet or universe again. The Great
Creator was looking forward to letting everything run its own course and spend
some quality time with Eric and doing typical Dad stuff around The Mansion.
Everything was good.
Well everything would have been good if the Great Creator’s
cat Oscar hadn’t snuck into The Study, just as the GC closed the door on his
way out to morning tea. You see, Oscar was a typical cat and didn’t play by
anybody’s rules except his own. And a cat’s rules were usually made up on the
spot, depending upon what sort of havoc they could cause at that given moment
in time. Unfortunately for the GC, this moment in time was supposed to be one
of peace and relaxation, but Oscar had other plans. Once The Study door was
shut, Oscar proceeded to jump up on the Great Creator’s desk and looked at Yorn
with mischief in eyes and contempt in his heart. Now the Great Creator’s desk
was situation right under the large double window in the study. Usually, this
was the best place for the desk as the windows let in just the right amount of
fresh air and light to work by. Oscar loved the window to as he could jump
right up onto the Great Creator’s lap, then unexpectedly onto the windowsill at
any given moment.
“Meow,” Oscar said, looking from Yorn to the window.
He looked at the window, then at Yorn, then at the window
and once again at Yorn. His paw twitched. Even if cats weren’t compelled to
knock everything off the table, bookshelf, or in this case desk, Oscar just
couldn’t resist the temptation to tap Yorn softly with his giant, fluffy paw.
Yorn spun slowly on The Great Axis, pleasing Oscar but not quite enough to
leave it at that.
“Meeeoooow,” Oscar said as The Study door opened.
The Great Creator’s jaw dropped and eyes opening so wide
that most of the universe was given a bright flash of light akin to a giant
solar flare.
“Don’t do it,” the Great Creator said sternly.
“Meowww?”
“I’m not joking.”
Oscar shrugged his shoulders and turned to jump off the
desk. Unfortunately, his large, fluffy tail never seemed to go in the same
direction as the rest of his stocky body and caught in The Great Axis as it slowed,
almost stopping.
“MEOW!” screeched Oscar.
He scurried off the desk, pulling The Great Axis with him.
If you asked the Great Creator what happened next it would be unclear but went
something like this. Yorn bounced off the desk, onto the mousepad, then spun on
the spot twice before gaining momentum then flew out the window.
Chapter Two
The Council for the Shire of Lesser Yorn held an emergency
meeting in the town hall immediately after the world stopped spinning and all
council members were able to stand upright without feeling the pressing need to
topple over straight away and vomit on the way down for good luck. Truth be
told, it was the most humorous meeting ever held by the Council. Every member felt
and acted like they’d just woken up from a night of heavy drinking, as did the
citizens that were able to find their way to the town hall. Approximately half
of the town’s population were still staggering about the streets bouncing off
one another and anything else that happened to be anywhere near them. Nobody
knew what had happened, but everybody had felt the same thing, well everybody
except young Bob who was making love for the first time and thought that Yorn
moved for just him at that particular moment in time.
Chairperson Councilwoman Shirley Galsworthy picked up the
gavel to open the meeting but had trouble determining if she had picked up the
official gavel or some rubber toy that seemed to bend and wobble all over the
place. Galsworthy also worried how hitting the gavel would affect her head, as
it was still throbbing and swirling around like a carousel. She decided to risk
it and managed to tap it on the lectern quite harshly.
“Order, please,” Galsworthy said softly, almost like she was
testing her voice for the first time.
“ORDER!” she said quite loudly the second time she spoke.
Slowly, the shaken citizens of Lesser Yorn stopped wobbling
about and found seats wherever they could, be it on an actual chair, what
looked like a chair or the floor if they happened to tumble over from
dizziness.
“Thank you,” Galsworthy said. “I’m sure everybody has the
same question as The Council does.
What the hell just happened?”
A murmur began from the crowd.
“I for one, have absolutely no idea,” Galsworthy said. “It
seemed like the world spun around, quick as you like, turning from day to night
to day and so forth.”
“…and like Yorn dropped out of the sky too...” someone in
the crowd yelled.
“Yes, and like the whole planet dropped suddenly like it had
been knocked off its stand,” Galsworthy said.
“We will be getting our best astronomers onto it once they
can be found,” Councilman Hershel Rowdybottom added.
“All we can say at the moment is the council will be setting
up a committee to assist with disaster relief immediately. We will continue to
investigate what has just occurred and send crows worldwide to determine if
this was a global incident or just a local issue,” Galsworthy said.
